Living with a chronic illness is not always easy. There is the illness itself and complications that stem from the illness. Each can affect my family in ways that I hadn’t imagined. I recall being afraid to have kids because my movement was limited and I had trouble sitting on my bottom. How was I going to play with my kids on the floor? How would I run with them at the park?
My fears were calmed after my first child because I had few complications but with my second child, my third trimester things went from bad to worse. After I gave birth a complication followed and I had trouble walking without extreme pain. I had a two year old who had to help me with stretching exercises just to ease the pain. I felt like I was failing as a mother because I couldn’t be who I wanted to be. I had intimacy issues with my husband due to pain and felt I was failing as a wife.
All the pressure that I had on myself led to stress which made my illness worse. I found that letting go and allowing God to use each moment that I do have to make a difference was the key. I cannot control everything or what happens in the future but I understand that my family will not suffer but will soar because of what we’ve been through. My family will know quality if they don’t know quantity. They will learn empathy because of their experiences with me. They will learn to cherish each moment.
My family will know that there are changes each day and adjustments are needed to survive. They will know that they can’t do everything but they can do something. My family will know that they may not be able to dodge every wave in life but they have the power to ride the wave.